Dear Sprout,

Over a month has passed since I last wrote to you, because I’ve been too busy taking care of you and trying to soak up every second. I had all these grand plans for this journal when I started writing in it, but the realities of parenthood are definitely nothing like my imaginings. I’d never imagined that I would clean so much poop off of so many places poop shouldn’t be, or how I would wrestle with you for hours to finally get you to sleep, only to collapse into my own bed instead of getting all the things done I should be doing.

I’m back at work now, and your daddy is getting a taste of how this one-on-one parenting thing goes. You’ve been kind of rough on him since I went back to work full time, to the point that he’s now talking about you being an only child. I hope he comes to his senses, not only because I know how lonely it can be to be an only child, but because it would be way too easy for me to pour so much love and adoration into you that you become a self-absorbed little monster.

Going back to work and leaving you has been hard on me, too, both physically and emotionally. I’m pretty much exhausted all of the time, and you’ve gone from peacefully sleeping through the night to reinstating the 2 AM feeding, as well as waking daddy promptly at 6:45, right after I go out the door, to eat and insist on being played with. The last day before I went back full-time, I sat and held you almost all morning and cried my eyes out. I know you’re in good hands with your daddy, but I miss you so much that my heart literally aches. Busyness at work has kept my mind off of it mostly, but I still wish so much that I could stay home and just be mother to you and wife to your daddy.

There’s a whole list of things I should probably be doing right now, but instead I’m sitting on your bedroom floor, writing to you and listening to the pleasant little sounds you make as you drift closer to sleep. I wish I could bottle your laughter and keep it with me forever to pull out when I’m feeling sad, an adorable little “hoo hoo” that along with your big eyes has me affectionately referring to you as my little owl. If only I could keep you this little forever, and stay here with you always.